Reporter Ye then begins to describe the curious object as the camera pans in on it. “As we can all see, this looks like a type of fungus, on both ends of which you’ll find mushroom heads.”
“On this side, you can see what looks like a pair of lips,” she adds. “And on that side, there is a tiny hole which extends all the way back to this side. The object looks very shiny, and it feels really fleshy and meaty too.”
“I’ve done my own research on the internet,” says the afore-mentioned villager. “It’s a type of lingzhi mushroom, called the taisui.” [Editor’s note: Taisui refers to 60 celestial generals named in the Chinese zodiac.]
Without skipping a beat, reporter Ye chimes in with her own research, saying this type of lingzhi is generally found in the Shaanxi region deep underground and is hence rarely seen. “When the Emperor Qin Shi Huang was on the hunt for the secret to longevity,” she elucidates, “it is said he discovered this lingzhi was the answer.”
Eagle-eyed viewers who saw the report on Sunday immediately identified the mystery mushroom as a double-headed masturbation toy with an artificial vagina on one side and an artificial anus on the other.
I really and truly love that this happened.
WHAT IS WORDS!?!?! I DO NOT > NO WORDS, THERE ARE NO WORDS